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Monday, November 21, 2011

QUESTIONS: a new journey begins...

By Trace A. DeMeyer
Whenever I find new adoptees, I want them to know immediately we share this experience. Here is someone who is in the first stages of discovery...
What strikes me about this new adoptee and his new adoptee journey are the QUESTIONS: " Is it right to contact someone who carried you and gave you up 42 years ago? What if reaching out is painful or opens old wounds? What if it’s better not knowing? What if they’re bad people? What if …. Many questions rolled around in my head as I considered what to do...."

These are our thoughts. What do we do, how do we handle contact and reunions, what ifs, etc. There are no guidebooks for this which is why I wrote my memoir One Small Sacrifice. I had to explain to others we are not alone and if they are Native adoptees, I want them to know the history and how the Indian Adoption Project files are sealed to hide their hideous intentions to erase us as Indians.

I feel for this adoptee: He writes:
"...Contact. What happens next? We’ve been corresponding via email and are making plans to meet face to face. It’s exciting. Both of us felt shock at the sudden connection. Neither of us have experienced the pain that could have come. Not yet at least...."

One reason I blog and read other adoptee blogs is our shared experience. Sharing our stories is how we heal...

Have you found any new adoptee blogs?

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As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.

60s Scoop Adoptee

To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.

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Mark Hagland on Transracial Adoption

Here is a thought that I've been feeling the need to express for a long time, both in this group and in our TRA 101 group (where I have just posted this same post). White parents: the extent to which you refuse to listen to the voices of adult transracial adoptees and other people of color, based on their lived experiences, is also the extent to which you will prove deaf to the pleas (spoken and unspoken) of your own children of color. And those of you who absolutely and steadfastly refuse to listen to our voices, will find years from now that you've missed tremendous opportunities to truly hear your own children's voices--again, unspoken as much as spoken--but it will be too late to do anything about the missed opportunities. When we adult transracial adoptees and other people of color share in this group, in TRA 101, and in other forums around transracial adoption, it is a gift that we offer freely to you. Please consider that some of what you might perceive as "harsh truths" are simply our sharing with you glimpses into our own lived experiences--which will be the lived experiences of your own children. A gift is a gift even if it doesn't come from Tiffany's and isn't diamonds wrapped in silk. Thank you for reading and considering this!

Three Books on Lost Birds


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